7 Days of Glenorchy Christmas - Captains Log: Day Seven.

We are nearly at the end of our Glenorchy Christmas celebrations. The final stragglers have almost all been rounded up. Recycling bins are filled to the brim with cardboard boxes. One windy day between now and Sunday, and Glenorchy will look like a city made of paper mache. Could be an improvement. The Captain had to talk a few parents down off the Bowen Bridge. Pushed to the brink by those little twisted cable ties, and clear rubber bands, used to hold toys into their boxes. Northgate and Big W were almost bursting at the seams today. Filled to the brim with Boxing Day bargain hunters. Stocking up on cheap Blu-Rays and discounted UFC gear. That little dude who works at Big W looked flustered as parents took their over-hyped, ginger bread house-fueled kids through his checkout isle. Ripping cheap toys from their boxes before he had barely had a chance to ask if they wanted "a bag for that?". The automatic check-out went ballistic. Constantly repeating the phrase "item removed from the bagging area, please ask staff for assistance". Bogans stocked up on cheap TV's, even though they only just bought one with their baby bonus six months ago. The latest are 'Skype enabled' apparently. That way they can Skype with their mothers, who live next door, with out ever having to leave the couch. The Captain is off to do a few more drive arounds in the Cap-Mobile. No time now to relax. Tomorrow the Hobart to Glenorchy aluminum dinghy race kicks off. The Captain will be firing up the outboards in the Cap-tamaran in no time. Stay safe Glenorchy. The Captain trusts that you had a Merry Christmas?
Captain Glenorchy - Over and Out.

7 Days of Glenorchy Christmas - Captains Log: Day Six.

The Captain has been defeated....



Defeated by a size 25 roast turkey. This was way to much for one man to handle. Combined with the might of the Pickled Pork and Pavlova. The Captain was outnumbered from the beginning. Alas, The Captain has retreated to the Cap-Cave for some much needed R & R, in preparation for the day where Northgate may face its reckoning.... Boxing Day.
Captain Glenorchy - Over and Out.







PS. Thank you Santa for the new Beanie Bear.

7 Days of Glenorchy Christmas - Captains Log: Day Five.

One more sleep. All the kiddies should be tucked up asleep in their poorly constructed beds from Fantastic Furniture by now. Ready to wake in four or so hours, and launch into the destruction of endless amounts of trees used to create wrapping paper. Traffic chaos all through the Municipality of Glenorchy today. Claremont Plaza may have had a face lift, but no one there knows how to follow a directional arrow in their car. And pedestrians cross everywhere... except at pedestrian crossings. A logjam of cars at Northgate as parents race into Target to collect the last of their black plastic wrapped lay-buys. Hopefully KFC has stockpiled chicken for tomorrows deluge of drive-through orders for Christmas lunch. AKA the bogan roast dinner. The Club Hotel bottleshop sold out of Johnnie Walker Red Label & Cola 10-packs as people stocked up for the traditional all day Christmas piss-up. Followed by the family punch up on the front lawns, for all the neighbourhood to see. Anyway, time for The Captain to go help the Big Guy get through his night in the Greater Glenorchy area. Not even Rudolph could guide his way through this cesspit. Elwick Road.... You're on The Captain's Naughty List. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night (with no burn-outs).
Captain Glenorchy - Ho-Ho-Ho-ver and Out.

7 Days of Glenorchy Christmas - Captains Log: Day Four.

Two more sleeps. If your online order from Target doesn't arrive tomorrow you're stuffed. So far today was the quietest day on the Glenorchy Christmas calendar. Speaking of calendars, The Captain is finally down to the last square on his Advent one. The Captain is never sure.... do you start at 1 and count up to 24, or is it a count down from 24 to 1? The final frantic screams from parents can be heard "Santa won't bring any f**king presents ya little s**ts if ya keep rockin' next doors roof!". Of course we all know that Santa will still bring them their 6v battery operated mini quad-bikes, Razor scooters, Sesame Street LOL Elmos, and various Angry Bird themed plush toys. Most of which will be played with for 3 days before being left in the front yard forever more to suffer weather damage. Dad might get a Blu-ray, some cheap boxers from Best & Less, and some new Playstation games from Cashies. Mum gets playboy bunny themed car seats and stickers for the car, The 50 Shades trilogy, and a coffee mug from What's New. So sleep tight tonight children of Glenorchy, and be on your best behavior tomorrow. Santa... and The Captain.... are watching.*
Captain Glenorchy - Over and Out.

*watching only for the purpose of who has been naughty and who has been nice.

7 Days of Glenorchy Christmas - Captains Log: Day Three.

Quiet morning this morning. And by morning The Captain means 1pm. The normal waking time of the bogans sleep cycle. Maybe a large night on the terps was had by all and sundry last night? Maybe they spent the night trying to escape from Jackson Street, and the glaringly bright Christmas lights they have up? Traffic chaos in Elwick Road today as many citizens tried to flee for the day - avoiding the hung over that were doing their last minute Christmas shopping at Big W. Maxing out their Credit Cards with a 24% interest rate and $190 annual fee. A hot day is due in Glenorchy tomorrow. Hopefully some of those inflatable pools that were purchased last Christmas will be used again - if they can remove the algae that has grown over the water, that has also been in the pools since last Christmas. Three more sleeps. The Captain can see the anticipation in little Jaiyden's eyes now, as he imagines burning down Grove Road on his new Razor Powerwing scooter, giving the finger to lost tourists looking for MONA.
Captain Glenorchy - Over and Out.