Show Day Four: Captains Log.

Finally. The end is nigh. The clean up from last nights fireworks display is done. The Captain could have done a better job with a packet of Mentos and a 2.25 litre bottle of Diet Coke. The last of the carnies have been rounded up and shipped further south. The bogan flocks have been sent scampering back along the bike track, pushing their prams full of giant stuffed toys, carrying their $25.00 dollar Abbey Cadabby showbags, as their obese children wander aimlessly on the train tracks. The unused Dagwood Dog batter has been stored away for next year. Too many children at the 'circle work' event today. Looks like The Captain will have his hands full on the roads of Glenorchy for years to come. Found a boy left in an inflatable giant ball, he was rolling down the Brooker Highway, towards that rainbow bridge near the DEC. Busiest day yet. Mother Nature was not kind to The Captain today. Where was all that rain damn you. Still can't knock all the bottles over in that stupid carnie game. And The Captain swears the basketball rings are undersized. Went 0 for 3. Luckily for The Captain i did catch a plastic fish with the number '6' underneath. Scored a cute purple puppy toy. Winning. Stepped on giant cowpat. Losing. Some of those bulls have giant testicles. And how can those farmers scoff down their lunch with the stench of cow and sheep manure in the air? It's like eating at Northgate food court. The Captain was impressed with the dog agility trials today. Maybe, finally, after all these years, The Captain has found a new Capto The Wonder Dog. Showtime FMX?? The Captain see's this daily on the streets of Chigwell. Only with no helmets, on those miniature Braaap bikes. Not impressed. Finally, The Captain wonders why it is called the Royal 'HOBART' Show? Failed to see a single Hobartian there. Does the Hobart City Council put in the funds to keep this once proud Colosseum called the Elwick Showgrounds respectable? The Captain thinks not. Next year, people of Glenorchy, we shall take back what is rightfully ours. Next year... The Royal GLENORCHY show. Or we could just all go to MONA. Captain Glenorchy. Over and Out.

Show Day Three: Captains Log.

The rain still failed to put a dampener on things. The carnies are getting more adventurous. Wrangled some walking through the drive-thru at McDonald's Moonah. The Captain suggested they try a Praties. Went for a ride on The Power Surge. They said prepare to be electrified. They failed to electrify The Captain. After investigating the Ferris wheel, The Captain had to use several cans of WD40 from the utility belt. That Ferris wheel is older than The Captain's great-grandfather. Ordered several scantily clad teenagers to cover up in this unseasonally cool weather. Failed to determine if teenagers were male or female. Too hard for The Captain to tell these days. Went for a ride on that shark-themed inflatable slide. Fun. Go-Diego-Go inflatable slide? Not fun. Dominoes Pizza by the slice? Think some of those slices had been there since Wednesday. Yum. Bought three lucky prize tickets for $5.00. The Captain did not win a thing. Saw a clown who claimed to be an animal wrangler riding a horse while holding a steering wheel. The Captain will stick to the Cap-Mobile. Still no leads on Bertie Beetle. What has Spider-Man done to deserve a showbag? And since when did he play basketball? Nearly there. Glenorchy almost out of trouble for another year. Tonight could be the toughest night on The Captains calender. Tonight... fireworks will rise. Over and out.

Show Day Two: Captains Log

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plains. In Glenorchy it falls mainly on the Showgrounds. A few carnies escaped. Found them wandering around Glenorchy Central trying to get the last of the bargains at Chickenfeed. Luckily the rain has helped today. First real shower most of these show-folk have had in weeks. Saw a few heifers about today. Wish they would dress appropriately. Also saw cows, sheep and little baby ducks. Saved a little girl from getting her churros eaten by that evil ostrich. The Captain is keeping an eye on you ostrich. Searched the showbag pavilion thoroughly. Could not find Bertie Beetle anywhere. Spoke to Freddo and Caramello. They're not talking, but The Captain knows they know something. Next up Blinky Bill. $3.00 to get The Captains mugshot on the front page of The Mercury? The Captain doesn't think so. Got through the worst day today. Only two days left. The Captain is feeling confident. But i know people have been saving their discount coupons for Saturday. Over and out.

Show Day One: Captains Log.

Managed to keep the carnies within the boundary fence today. Thought The Captain had taken a hit, but it was just the sauce from a stray Dagwood Dog. Saved a child from boredom on that little boat ride. $10 to go on the Alpine Express. The Captain was not happy. Luckily the rain and small crowd made today's job easier. The Captain lives to fight another show day. Tomorrow is another story. Thursday. Public Holiday. The Peoples Day. Wish The Captain luck. Over and out.